One of the biggest mistakes made by parents or others who are close to an adolescent or college-aged adult is to not take them seriously. And that is most true if the topic is suicide.

The statistics are sobering: Suicide is the third-leading cause of death among youth, according to the Centers for Disease Control. Nearly one in five Kansas youth 15 and younger reported considering suicide in the past year.  And among adolescents, about half who commit suicide have communicated their intent to family members.  

"One of the biggest warning signs is if they talk about a desire to die or to end their life," said Kelli Netson, a neuropsychologist and assistant professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the KU School of Medicine-Wichita.  

September is Suicide Prevention Month, and efforts are underway to raise awareness among parents and others about the signs that a young person might be considering harming himself or herself. Children are back in school, and young adults are off to college, and those are places and times where stress and sadness are present, and at times can seem crushing.  

Signs of suicidal intent don't have to be as overt as a youth saying they want to die. Other indications include increased alcohol and drug use, anxiety, not being able to sleep or sleeping all the time, withdrawing from friends and family, saying they feel trapped or hopeless, rage or uncontrolled anger, and dramatic mood changes.  

"Any change in activity or mood is worth looking at," said Nicole Klaus, a psychologist and assistant professor at KU School of Medicine-Wichita, who is chair of the Sedgwick County Suicide Prevention Coalition.  

"The primary risk factors we look for are a history of prior attempts, history of prior mental health diagnosis and a history of substance abuse. Those increase the risk," Netson said.  

The breakup of a relationship, conflict with friends, bullying and other traumatic events can serve as triggers, especially among youth. Gay, lesbian, and transgender youth are at higher risk of suicide, Klaus said. So is anyone who has tried to take their life before, has a history of mental illness or depression, and abuses drugs or alcohol. The combination of depression and substance abuse particularly increases the danger. Suicide of friends or acquaintances, or high-profile suicides, can raise the risk.  

Parents often feel uncomfortable discussing suicide with their child, even if they are concerned. Sometimes they "fear putting ideas in their heads," Klaus said, but research indicates that addressing suicide directly can actually reduce its likelihood.  

"One of the most important take-aways is that you should be willing to talk about it," Klaus said. "Say, 'I see you have been having a rough time lately. Are you thinking about hurting yourself?'"  

"The worst thing you can do is ignore it. Always ask follow-up questions," Netson said. Ask if they are thinking about dying, and try to determine whether the child has a plan in place and the tools and the opportunity to carry it out. "If all those things are in place, we want 911-level intervention," Netson said.  

Gauging the amount one should be concerned isn't simple, but with the stakes so high a parent should err on the side of caution. "There are different levels of concerns," Netson said. "Certainly a child or adolescent saying 'I wish I were dead' is less of a concern than for them to say, 'I have a gun in my dresser drawer and want to use it Thursday.' That doesn't mean the first scenario isn't cause for concern."

Sometimes the age difference between parent and child creates a generational chasm. It's been many years since mom or dad was in middle school or high school, and they may want to forget those difficult days anyway. And that can not only make it hard for them to relate but also cause them to be dismissive.    

"As adults, a two-week relationship is a throwaway event, but to that 13- or 14-year-old it's a life-altering event," Netson said.  

Social media can be a big factor, Netson said, because "for a lot of those kids, that's their life blood, that's how they get their news and make contact with their friends." In the days before Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat, a conflict that set off a fight in the hallway was usually over and done with. But with social media, conflict doesn't dissipate easily or quickly. "Other people can pile on, and they feel like they can't recover from it," she said.  

The college years can bring a whole new set of stressors. The student may be away from home, and support, for the first time. They may feel a new level of pressure to succeed. Relationships cause stress, too.

Parents can talk to their kids about the value of being part of a group, whether it's an intramural athletic team, a sorority or a Spanish club. Those connections can provide a "pseudo family," as can friends or family who live near the college. "It's nice to have those extra support systems in place," Netson said.  

Knowing what causes your student stress, and how he or she copes with it, can help parents be better able to gauge when life has taken a bad turn. "Make sure you stay in regular contact, and that doesn't mean daily. Sometimes it helps to have a time that you can check in," said Netson.  

Parents should also become aware of the resources available for the student, whether it's a primary care doctor or counseling center. "If you have a college kid who is half a country away, you need to have those numbers on your refrigerator, to know who you can call so they can intervene immediately," Netson said.  

"Most colleges have counseling centers that are great at dealing with young adults. The centers can be a valuable on-site resource for managing stress," Klaus said.      

SUICIDE HOTLINES

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Sedgwick County Hotline: (316) 660-7500
Kansas Suicide Prevention Resource Center  

FIND OUT MORE

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
COMCARE (Sedgwick County): www.sedgwickcounty.org/comcare/suicide_prevention.asp
Kansas Suicide Prevention Resource Center: http://www.kansassuicideprevention.org/