Helping Children Cope with Fears and a Scary World

Often, it’s hard for caregivers to know how to talk to children about scary events – whether it be that pesky spider, awareness of gun violence, frightening weather events or acts of war.  Our amazing book coordinator, Stefanie has provided a curated book list with titles that may help folks begin a difficult conversation about scary things that happen. 

Children who experience traumatic events, be they big or small, may experience changes in their behavior – regression, bedtime struggles, more difficult behavior. If these changes persist, it’s important to be in contact with your child’s health care provider to talk about additional support. Children who are extremely fearful of lots and lots of things may be struggling with anxiety disorder, that can be helped with therapy and if indicated medication.

Tracy Larson and Aisha White from the University of Pittsburgh School of Education offer these tips for talking with children about tragedy:*

• If children are unaware of the tragic event, it should not be brought up.**
• Some children and adults chose not to talk about the incident at all. Children should not be forced into talking about the incident.
• If children are aware of the incident and want to talk about it, let them talk about it.
• Communicate with children on their level of understanding. Give them only information that they need or want to know and keep the answers simple and brief.  Do not be afraid to say you do not know an answer. 
• It is perfectly normal and ok to express feelings. Expressing and showing feelings to children allows them to understand that it is ok to express their emotions.
• When children express emotions, ask them to use words to describe how they feel and why, ask them to draw pictures to show you, reassure them that all feelings are ok.

*from: The Comforting Capacity of Books - Helping Young Children Cope with Trauma. found at: https://app.education.pitt.edu/newsletter/PittEd/article?id=141

** Sallie’s note - Unless it involves people that they know/are close to.

Reading aloud to any aged child provides comfort both with the stories, and more importantly with the close physical contact that happens when snuggled in a caregiver’s lap. When children have experienced or heard about scary events, this close connection provides not only information, but also a feeling of both love, safety, and security. Be prepared for questions and answer honestly at the level of the child’s understanding. If you’re sad/tearful, it’s actually important for children to be aware of those emotions and helps them feel safe in showing their own!